502546FF-C8E1-4FF2-A233-2F2CC6C8509E

By Tim Smith
© Natasha Peterson/Corleve

(August 20, 2010) As noted in my first report: None of the following is fiction. It's a day-by-day account of my experiences behind the scenes and behind the wheel as a driver for the players at the Farmers Classic tournament in Los Angeles. I decided at the last minute to volunteer for the tournament and picked the transportation department since that would offer the most face time with the players.

So here is how things went down on Day 3, my conversation with Janko Tipsarevic.

Janko walks up to the transportation desk and says he has lost his wallet and may have left it in the car that drove him to the site earlier in the morning. He describes the wallet and the car he was in and gives out his phone number to contact him once it is located. During this entire time the transpo desk phone is ringing but the coordinator is unable to pick it up since she is giving all of her attention to Janko. The phone just won't stop ringing so finally Janko picks up the receiver and puts it back down on the phone, thus disconnecting the call. I immediately learn to love the guy as I wonder which player he just disconnected.

He goes on to complain that his driver from earlier in the morning was a really old lady who drove very slowly and it took forever to get to the site. Now mind you, Sunset Boulevard is empty in the early hours so she really must have been driving cautiously. Anyway that's all the excuse Your Friendly Neighborhood Speed Demon needed to ask Janko if he wanted a ride back to the hotel.

When we first get in the car he is feverishly typing on his Blackberry — he was tweeting that he had just lost his wallet (no, I had nothing to do with it). After he's done typing, I congratulate him on getting married and mention that I had seen the wedding photos with all the other Serb players in attendance. He said they were all there because the next day they all had to leave for the Davis Cup tie, and his flight was at some ungodly hour like 9 a.m. the morning after his wedding. He said that was the only wedding date that made sense since he wanted an outdoor wedding so had no other choice.

We talked briefly about beating Roddick at Wimbledon a couple of years back and the injury he sustained at Indian Wells. Then I asked him about his infamous "no fat chicks" t-shirt. He said that he had nothing against large women and that he only bought that shirt because he is a huge (no pun intended) fan of "Family Guy." I asked if he got any flack for it, he said no, and we briefly discussed how an American athlete would not get away with that shirt in the U.S.

We pass the large "Entourage" ad painted on the side of a building on Sunset Boulevard and I mention to him I have a friend who has directed a few episodes. Janko says he is a big fan of the show, just bought a new season on DVD and asked if "Mad Men" was any good. I told him it has been winning the Emmy for Best Drama for a few years running but is obviously a very different show than Entourage.

Can I just say, at this point it was obvious the guy is quite intelligent, and his grasp of English is exceptional, to the point of understanding plays on words.

The conversation moves back to this new wife as I ask him how they met. He tells a great story of how he met her on a Serbian TV show five years ago and used a really terrible pick up line (his description) to get her number. He said something like, "Can I have your phone number so I can call you later to find out when the show is going to air?" Well, we had a good laugh since it obviously worked but as Janko said, it took him five years to seal the deal.

Of course one lousy pickup line deserves another so I ask him if I can get him to the hotel really quickly, could I get a picture. Without hesitation, he said sure.

As we approach the hotel I tell him that if he left his wallet in the car, I'm sure it will be found since none of the drivers are the type to steal it. He was just frustrated that without his wallet an overseas trip to the U.S. can be quite difficult.

As we arrive at the hotel, he pulls his bags out of the trunk and takes a picture with me. At this point we discover his tournament badge has fallen off his bag and is sitting in the trunk. That pretty much sums up his day.

Anyway, as we say good-bye, I think to myself that Janko really is cut from a different cloth than most tennis players. He is smart, funny and aware, a trait I have increasingly come to value. I think he and I are also similar in the in the sense that we both value truth more than etiquette.

Here's how the rest of my day went.

First pickup of the day was a British LTA official. I do not remember his name but he certainly was not English. We had an interesting conversation about whether mental toughness can be taught or is it inherent. He believes a great deal of it can be taught, but I tend to disagree. He also offered some insights into why the LTA is failing at developing British players. He thinks it is a huge mistake for the LTA to go out and hire coaches who have previously coached No. 1 players. He strongly believed that the primary job of a top-ranked player's coach is to keep all the distractions away, a skill set not at all needed when you are trying to develop players whose current ranking is outside the top 100. Basically he strongly felt those are two different types of skill sets and coaches. He also said that despite Judy Murray's (Andy's mom) outwardly steely appearance at matches, she is one of the nicest, least assuming, quiet ladies that one would hardly notice otherwise. She's aware that she has two mopey sons and knows she has to motivate them while they are playing. I'm still not sure I'd want to run into Judy Murray inside a dark alley.

I get back to the tournament site and Mark Knowles is sitting waiting around for a driver. I'm also told I need to pick up Fergus at the qualie courts. Since no player with the last name of Fergus comes to mind, I'm thinking this has to be the umpire Fergus Murphy.

Now this is a good time to remind you all that none of this stuff is made up. It really did happen.

As Knowles and I walk to the Benz, I tell him he was kind enough to take a picture with me at Indian Wells in 2009. He says, Yes, I remember you." Obviously I am somewhat shell-shocked and incredulous at the same time but Knowles insists, "I remember your face." This got me wondering whether:

A: I am extremely handsome and Knowles was so amazed by my male beauty, that he secretly wishes he looked like me.

B: I have been the only fan to ask him for a picture in the last 16 months.

C: He pegged me as a stalker and has kept a mental image of me in the back of his mind.

I know what you all are thinking, and I agree, A is the most logical answer.

Fun facts about Knowles: He has never been to Ireland and is an avid golfer. He agreed with me that golf is not a sport. Next up is a major egg on my face moment as I ask where is Mahesh? He tells me that Mahesh (Bhupati) has decided to play with Max Mirnyi, and he is playing with Mardy Fish this year. I asked if Mardy had beaten Isner in the Atlanta final, and he confirmed the outcome.

Can I just say, Knowles is beyond classy. I just love the way he carries himself. I think of him as the George Clooney of tennis and I still don't understand how or why he would remember me from Indian Wells 2009. There was nothing special about that moment: he was just hitting tennis balls to his toddler son, I waited patiently, asked for a photo, and he obliged. He wasn't even feeding his son balls on a tennis court, it was in the large spaces between the practice courts at Indian Wells.

Anyway, next I stopped by the qualie courts and sure enough picked up Fergus Murphy. I teased Murphy if it was appropriate for him to be in the same car as players. He told me transpo was OK, but that they did not dine or have drinks with players even though the umps usually stay at the same hotel as the players and run into them regularly at the hotel.

Next, according to my papers, I had to pick up Alejandro — this tournament really is on a first name basis with all of the players. I assumed it was Falla, and sure enough he comes out of the hotel all by himself. He is a very unassuming, almost shy and quiet guy with a soft voice.

Note to all scrubs: Mr. Falla rode in the front seat with me, as did Mr. Knowles.

I told Falla that next time he should beat Fed and that he gave a very nice post match interview (at Wimbledon). He asked if the presser was indeed broadcast and I told him how we get our coverage on ESPN and Tennis Channel.

Again, I am not making any of this up.

Next he asks if I play tennis and for the next few minutes he asks me about my game and my strokes. Alejandro Falla was more interested in talking about ME more than I was talking about him. I begin to convince myself that "A" really is the correct answer from above. I have to say, I liked Falla's quiet demeanor quite a lot, another good guy in tennis.

Also here is a scoop, Falla is not playing New Haven even though he is on their entry list.

Next I had to take Horacio Zeballos back to the hotel. He and his girlfriend were asking about activities and I told them they cannot miss the Getty Center especially since their hotel offers a free shuttle to it. The girlfriend asked about Universal Studios, which I thought was really cute; both of them come across as real people. She had been to Universal Studios about ten years ago and wanted to know if it has changed. I told them the old King Kong ride burned down and now there is a new attraction in its place.

I forget the exact detail, but at some point Zeballos mentioned doing something after this tournament and I corrected him by saying, "you mean after you win this tournament?" At which point he replies, "yes after this tournament", to which his girlfriend corrected him by repeating, "after you win this tournament." Sadly, my attempt at motivation did not pan out as he had to retire down 3-6, 0-3 against Schuettler.

Next I had to take Somdev (this first-name basis thing is catching on) back to this hotel. He had just beaten Dmitry Tursunov and was busy on the phone talking to family and friends. However, the coach asked me if I had played tennis that day. I had to tell him no since I'd been operating on four hours of sleep the couple of days before, and slept in late today. But how cool is it at he actually remembered and cared enough to ask about my tennis. Really, I think "A" is the correct answer from the above. I asked where they were going to have dinner and he said they were going to take up my previous recommendation and go to BJ's Restaurant and Brewhouse. We also discussed that Somdev shouldn't have a problem beating Giovanni Lapentti in the next round of qualies though as a cautious coach he reminded me that Lapentti is also playing well enough to have won two qualie matches so far.

Somdev and I really are on a first name basis now. He mentioned that he now trains in Austin and that Roddick had a lot to do with him deciding to move there. I have to say he, despite being very young, hasn't let success go to his head and remains extraordinarily humble. I reminded him that once he made the main draw, he would have to move from the scrubs hotel to the main draw player's hotel, and he responded, "it doesn't matter" and genuinely meant it. I reminded him that the scrubs hotel is near LAX and takes forever to come/go from there while the main draw players have the advantage of being in a hotel right on the Sunset Strip.

My shift ended with a run taking Travis Parrott and his coach back to the hotel. Sadly, he and Arnaud Clement face each other in doubles Monday night, so I'm going to miss driving one of them around shortly. Parrott felt rested but he knew that he had only played one competitive set in the last six months. Picking someone to win that match would be akin to Sophie's Choice for me.

Funny story from the transpo desk. Travis walks up and wants to schedule a car for Monday. The girl working the desk asks to clarify the spelling of his name by asking, "Parrot … like the animal?" He says yes, while we all exchange looks of "a parrot is a bird." After I dropped him off at the hotel he called the transpo desk back to schedule a car for dinner and started off by saying, "this is Travis Parrott, like the animal." Love the guy. He obliged me with a picture, though joked he charges $100 and accepts fake checks. Nicest thing he said to me was that he really enjoyed riding with me.